10 Life Lessons From My 10 Year-Career
In late July 2021, I did one of the scariest things I’ve ever done and tendered my resignation to the organization I’d been working at since 2011. As I prepared to walk into my boss’ office and tell her I’d accepted a job offer elsewhere, my heart was beating so violently I thought it would burst out of my chest. In an ironic twist of fate, the day I gave my resignation turned out to be 10 years to the day I was hired there. I took my place in what media and sociologists are calling “The Great Resignation.”
With that decision, I closed a chapter of my life that far extended beyond what I ever imagined it would be in my story. In those 10 years, I experienced much personal and professional growth. I went up and down on a rollercoaster ride of sweet wins and painful losses. More times than I care to admit, I cried at work. More times than I’ll ever be able to remember, I laughed with and learned from some of the greatest creative professionals I’ll ever work alongside. All these experiences taught me valuable lessons that fundamentally shifted my self-perception, mindset, and relationship with work.
Here are the lessons I learned along the way:
Growth is more important than outcomes.
This was a hard lesson for me to learn. It took more experiences (and years) than I think the universe wanted for me to absorb this lesson. Working in social media and digital marketing, a field that grows increasingly in-demand and important, but still wildly misunderstood, so much of my work was driven by data and metrics. The outcomes of my work and efforts determined future strategies, resources, and budgets. When your work is so closely tied to outcomes, it’s easy to get distracted by them and forget the important lessons and experiences you learn along the way. Even if the outcomes didn’t meet goals or expectations, there were always takeaways. And until I matured a bit more, I didn’t always value those takeaways. I focused more on how I “failed.” Whether you’re trying to reach a business or personal goal, don’t get distracted or discouraged by the outcome. Now being more experienced, I realize that the most rewarding outcomes usually work out differently than what we planned for in the first place.
You aren’t always right — even when you think you are.
Call it the millennial in me. I have a hard time when people tell me I’m wrong about things. In my mind, I am a person who carefully and thoughtfully considers as many points of view as possible before making a decision, so I find it hard to swallow when people tell me I’m wrong. But just because I perceive or believe something a certain way doesn’t mean others do — nor are they obligated to do so. Early in my career, it was difficult for me to see that even though I was “right” in my perspective or through my lens, sometimes I was actually “wrong” because I didn’t have full context or simply because those other people just didn’t hold the same values as me. It doesn’t mean I was fundamentally “wrong” and it doesn’t mean those others were fundamentally “right.” We just had different objectives, perspectives, and values.
Not every hill is worth dying on.
This is a phrase my friends and family recognize because I say it often. Not every argument, point, or decision is worth the expense. I know at the moment it can feel like your entire character is at stake, but it’s not. A year later — depending on the nature of the disagreement or matter of consequence — people won’t even remember who “won” that argument.
In order to know which hill is one worth dying on, you have to consider a few things: will this cost you your sleep, peace of mind, your character, etc.? If yes, that’s a serious matter and one that likely speaks to your core values and principles. If not, it’s probably a matter of ego and not worth the short-term boost that can cause damage to your relationships with others. See the bonus takeaways section at the end for more on this last point.
Go where you’re valued — not tolerated.
If you’re someone who has dealt with lots of trauma or someone who struggles with “fixing” things, it can be hard to walk away from situations where you are not valued. You believe if you do just a little bit more, handle a situation a little differently, pull back on some of your boundaries just a little further then you will finally achieve your objective of being valued and appreciated. I hate to be a pessimist, but I can speak from experience that two things will happen 1) you will never achieve that objective or 2) you may finally achieve it but at great cost to your person and mental health. The latter of which is not an actual victory or achievement. The universe will give you signs when you’re not being valued — don’t ignore them.
Trust your instincts.
In addition to paying attention and listening to those signs from the universe, it’s equally important to trust your instincts. There were many times before July 2021 where I was ready to leave my previous job, but I knew the moment wasn’t right. I didn’t necessarily know when the right moment would come, but I knew that if I kept putting my desires out there, the ideal opportunity would present itself in a way that I would instinctually know I would have little to fear. And, more importantly, that if it made me fearful in an exhilarating way, I was headed in the right direction.
Creativity is an exhaustible resource.
Having worked in a creative role where I wrote content every day, multiple times a day, and reviewed art and creative ideas regularly, I can definitively say that creativity is an exhaustible resource. For mitigation, make sure to disconnect as often as possible and take breaks from consumption. Understand that in a work setting, it may be idealistic — and not realistic — to expect every single thing you produce to be your best piece of art or content. For that reason, create sanity for yourself by building templates, evergreen content banks, forms for strategic plans, etc. to support you when you need to step back. It can keep the wheels turning while you slow down your pace and recharge your batteries.
Done is better than perfect.
A super challenging mindset shift for any perfectionist to adopt, done is better than perfect. The reasons why are plenty, but one that was especially significant to me was in my efforts to be “perfect” I was often paralyzed or procrastinating, instead. I let valuable opportunities pass by me because I wanted all of the aspects of my idea to be executed to perfection. I also found it very demoralizing when I didn’t receive the expected return on my investment in perfection. For example, I spent hours past the end of my shift, during the holiday season one year, tweaking our online fundraising campaign and exceeding our goal by far more than anyone’s expectations, and the board members it reflected well upon didn’t even care when my colleague and I presented the news to them. In that instance, I learned to never again need for affirmation from others. Do your work. Do it well. But don’t burn yourself out, especially if it’s to impress or outshine other people.
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
On the last point of number nine, this lesson speaks for itself. And while I believe this most especially applies at work, where your employer will post your vacancy as soon as you leave, it also applies to every relationship you have in life.
Only you get to define yourself.
For a long time, I believed that I was: “combative,” “emotional,” “lacking perspective,” and a host of other toxic beliefs. These were comments supervisors actually said to me or veiled through sanitized “critiques” that were timed shortly after moments when presented my full self. I started to believe that I was volatile, too opinionated, and not a team player. It took a lot of healing and self-reflection to see that, yes, like anyone else, I had room for growth and improvement in some areas, but these “critiques” did not define me. My combativeness in one person’s view was my courage to ask tough questions and speak out in another person’s view. My inability to control my emotions was a normal response to being gaslit, micromanaged, and condescended to on a regular basis. Once I released myself from these toxic views, I realized how long I had allowed these limiting beliefs to prevent me from seeing my full potential. My advice: be careful who you listen to and accept criticism from. Self-awareness is everything, but don’t allow other people to define that self.
Be grateful. Thank people often.
Even on the hardest days, gratitude sustained me. I would find the smallest things to be grateful for, such as: Today my job helped me buy frozen yogurt and coloring books for my son. Or if I could find nothing to be grateful for about work, I’d think: I am grateful I can call my sister and vent to her about work. Gratitude is what keeps us grounded, in my opinion. And it helps ground others who may be struggling with their sense of worth, so be sure to say thank you often. By practicing gratitude regularly, you’re more likely to be aware, mindful, and present, which means you’ll notice and be ready to acknowledge the little things others do. When you see those moments, try not to keep them to yourself. Let other people know you appreciate them and value them. It may be the only time that day or, sadly, for a while that they hear it.
Bonus takeaways:
Growth is often uncomfortable, messy, and always necessary.
Courage isn’t the absence of fear.
Your long-term reputation is more important than short-term reward.
Do not stress over things you cannot control.
Go at your own pace.
I’ve been absent from my blog for quite some time. 2021 was more difficult than I expected it to be considering the struggles we all faced in 2020. But I return here, feeling more at peace than I have in a long time and ready to go on a journey of self-discovery and adventure. I hope these insights inspired and encouraged you. And, more importantly, I hope this conversation continues.